Here is the slang dictionary. You can sort the columns as required and search for whatever you need. If you see any errors just let me know. Enjoy!

1st (first class degree)Geoff HurstHe managed a Geoff [Geoff Hurst was a soccer player who played for England 49 times - Thanks to L H Webber]
2:2 (lower second class degree)Desmond TutuHe’s got his Desmond [Thanks to John Curtis-Rouse]
3rd (third class degree)Douglas HurdI got a Desmond but he only managed a Douglas [Thanks to Tim Herman]
All Dayer (all day drinking session)Leo SayerLet's make it a Leo Sayer. [Thanks to Sean Gillespie]
All Dayer (all day drinking)Gary PlayerLet's make it a Gary Player [Thanks to J. Jeffreys]
AloneJack JonesHe went to the pub all Jack. [This doubtless comes from a Music Hall song sung, somewhere between 1900 and 1914, by the Cockney songster Gus Elen entitled " 'E dunno where 'e are". Gus is buried in Streatham Park Cemetery, London. I believe he died about 1944. The song is about a bloke, Jack Jones, who comes into a sum of money and thinks himself too good for his former mates:
"When he's up at Covint Gardin you can see 'im a standin' all alone, / Won't join in a quiet little Tommy Dodd (half-pint of beer), drinking Scotch and Soda on 'is own, / 'E 'as the cheek and impidence to call 'is muvver 'is Ma, / Since Jack Jones came into a little bit o' splosh, well 'e dunno where 'e are." - Thanks to Frank Haigh for the explanation of the source]
AlonePat MaloneI'm all pat tonight. [Thanks to Alan Little]
AloneTodd SloanLooks like I'm on my Todd tonight. [Thanks to Jeff McCartney. - Frank Baynham reports that Todd Sloan was a famous jockey (I've found a listing for him at the Wikiup ranch in Northern California) who had a tendency to run at the front of the pack... all alone.]
ArmChalk FarmHe broke his chalk.
ArmyDaft and BarmyHe was promoted in the daft. [Thanks to Alan Little]
ArmyKate KarneyHe's off and joined the Kate.  [Kate Carney (1869-1950), a comedienne, was born into a music hall family in London. She made her first stage appearance at the Albert Music Hall, Canning Town, and later became famous for her cockney character songs. These songs established her at the top of the bill and she was described as 'The Cockney Queen'. - Thanks to Cab for the information on Kate]
ArseApril in ParisI’m ‘aving terrible trouble with me April [How can such a simple word have so many convoluted references?  April in Paris - Aris (from Aristotle - bottle which is from bottle and glass - arse.)  Whew – Thanks to Peter Chrisp]
ArseAristotleI gave him a good kick up the Aris. (Aristotle=Bottle=Bottle and Glass=Arse; therefore, Aris=Arse) See also bottle.
ArseBottle and GlassI gave him a good kick up the bottle.
ArseKhyber PassStick it up your khyber.
ArseRolf HarrisShe kicked him in the Rolf [Rolf Harris wrote "My Boomerang Won't Come Back".  See the reference above to Aristotle.  Thanks to Matt Fisher]
ArseholeElephant & CastleHe's a bit of an elephant [Thanks to Steve Fuller]
ArseholeJam RollThat geezer is a right jam roll. [Thanks to Robert Lynch]
ArseholeMerry Old Soul‘e’s a bit of a merry old soul [Thanks to Sanor]
AuntMrs. ChantHe didn't know what to get his Mrs. Chant for Christmas [Thanks to Alan Little]
BackCadbury SnackMe cadbury's playing me up [Thanks to Pete Powis]
BackHammer and TackOoh! Me 'ammer and tack's playing me up again. [Thanks to James]
BackHat RackHe fell off the roof and broke his hat rack [Thanks to Martin Hillier]
BackUnion JackMy old Union Jack's giving me gyp something chronic [Thanks to Ray Wells]
BadSorry and SadThat dinner was a bit sorry.
Balls (testicles)Berlin WallsMe pants are too tight and making me berlins wobbly [Thanks to Stephen Hartwig]
Balls (testicles)Cobbler's AwlsGo on! Kick him in the cobblers! [Can also be used to express disbelief, such as "Cobblers! That's not the way it is."]
Balls (testicles)Coffee StallsHe gave him a kick in the corfies [Thanks to Rick Hardy - the pronunciation is reported to be corfie, not coffee]
Balls (testicles)Niagara FallsI got him in his niagara's [Thanks to Alan Little]
Balls (testicles)Orchestra StallsHe nearly got hit in the orchestra [Thanks to Alan Little]
Balls (testicles)Royal Albert HallI kicked this geezer straight in the Royal Alberts [Thanks to Steve Smith]
BananaGertie GitanaI like a gertie on my cereal [Possibly an old music hall star - Thanks to Christopher Webb.  Sue Lawrence adds: "Gertie Gitana was indeed a music hall performer. My mother, now ninety-two, spent her early life in Dalston and used to go and see her at the Hackney Empire.]
BankArmitage ShankI’m off to the armitage [Armitage Shank is the maker of fine porcelain fixtures found in washrooms everywhere - Thanks to Ed Leveque.]
BankCab RankI won't be long - just going to the cab rank [Thanks to Mike Smith]
BankIron TankHe lost his house to the iron.
BankJ. Arthur RankGotta get a cock & hen from the J Arthur [Thanks to Aaron Marchant]
BankSherman TankHe's off to the Sherman [Thanks to Iain Gordon]
BankTommy TankI'm going 'round the tommy to pay in a gooses. [See also Wank - thanks to Christopher Webb]
Bar (pub)Jack TarI'm off to the Jack. [See also 'Alone' and Bar (pub). Could be very confusing if you're going alone - "I'm off to the jack jack". Or, if you were telling your brother Jack, "I'm off to the jack jack, Jack"]
Bar (pub)Near and FarI saw him at the near.
BarberDover HarbourI’m off to Dover to get me barnet sorted [Thanks to Mark Vernon]
Barking (mad)Three stops down from PlaistowHe’s three stops down from Plaistow [from the London Underground District Line – thanks to Matthew Jackson]
BarrowCock SparrowHe's wheeling his cock 'round the market. [Lenny notes that in the north this expression can also refer to a friend, as in "Hello me old cock sparrow"]
BathSteffi GrafI’m just going for a steffi [Thanks to David Shea]
BedUncle TedI'm off to Uncle Ted.
BeerPig's EarCan I buy you a pig?
BeersBrittney Spears'ow about a Brittney?" [Brittney Spears is a popular singer. Thanks to Ben Allen]
BelieveAdam and EveI don't Adam and Eve it! [Usually full slang expression is used]
BellyAuntie NellieI punched him in the Auntie but he didn't even notice.
BellyDerby KellyThat's the stuff for you Derby Kell; makes you fit and it makes you well [From old cockney song Boiled Beef and Carrots - pronounced Darby. Thanks to Christopher Webb]
BellyNew DelhiLook at the new delhi on him! [Thanks to Daniel Williams]
Bender (homosexual)Leo FenderThat blokes a bit leo after all. [The late Leo Fender was the inventor of the Stratocaster guitar - thanks to Richard English]
Bent (criminal)Stoke on Trent'e's stoke he is. [Thanks to Alan Little. See also 'Bent (gay)']
Bent (homosexual)Behind with the RentYou're not behind with the rent? [Thanks to Gez who heard this in the film 'Layer Cake'
Bent (homosexual)Duke of KentBet you any money e's a duke [Thanks to Tom Hoyle]
Bent (homosexual)Stoke on TrentThat bloke's a bit stoke [Thanks to Alex Wood. See also 'Bent (criminal)']
BestMae WestI'm Mae West at Cockney Rhyming Slang [Thanks to Kris Grissom]
BeverageEdna EverageWould you like an Edna? [Edna Everage (aka Dame Edna) is a star, darling! Thanks to Sue Cope.]
Bill (statement)Beecham's PillI got my Beecham's from the tax people.
Bill (statement)Jack and JillI'm going home - can I have my Jack? [See also Hill]
Bill (statement)Jimmy HillHave we paid the Jimmy Hill yet? [Thanks to Magnus Spencer. Jimmy Hill is a football pundit and former player]
BirdRichard the ThirdLook what that bloody Richard's done to my car!
Bird (woman)Lemon CurdI’m off to see me lemon [Thanks to Jesse Wynne]
Bitter (beer)Apple FritterI've tried that new apple but I prefer my salmon [Salmon and trout - stout].
Bitter (beer)Gary GlitterGive us a pint of gary [Thanks to Gareth Evans]
Bitter (beer)Giggle and Titter'ere. I could use a giggle. [Thanks to Martin McKerrell]
Bitter (beer)Kitty LitterA pint of kitty litter please [Thanks to Mark]
BlindBacon RindAre you completely bacon? [Thanks to Damon]
BlondeMagic WandI pulled a top magic wand last night [Thanks to Lee Henderson]
BoatNanny GoatI took my nanny out on the river.
Bog (toilet)Kermit the FrogSorry mate - where's the kermit [Thanks to Ray Wells]
BoilCan of Oil'e'd be nice looking once his canov's clear up. [Thanks to Marie Gordon]
BoilConan Doyle'e's got a conan on his bottle the size of me fist! [Thanks to Marie Gordon.  John Mahony adds that very often the expression used is "Sir Arthur", as in Sir Arthur Conan Doyle - He's got a Sir Arfur on his bushel]
BollocksJackson PollockThis modern art's a load of old Jacksons [Thanks to Justin Ellis. Pollock is a "20th Century strange artist".]
BonesTom JonesOoh, me toms are clicking [Thanks to Hefin Gill]
BookCaptain HookI've read this captain.
BookFish HookI've read the new fish by Deighton.
BootsDaisy RootsYou can't go out in the rain without your daisies.
BoozeTom CruiseI need some Tom [Thanks to Christopher Loosemore]
Boozer (pub)Battle CruiserI'm going to pop round the battle before I go to the party [Thanks to Peter Cotterell and Robert Manikiam]]
BossJoe GossNever trust a joe [Joe Goss was a talented boxer - Thanks to Sanor]
BossPitch and TossMy bloody pitch kept me late again.
BottleAristotleIf you want milk, put the Ari on the doorstep. [Every now and again they throw a curve at you. One person has suggested that, not being familiar with Aristotle, early Cockney's might have assumed the name was Harry Stottle!  Heard from John Mahony who says that when one uses the expression "lose your bottle" it means to lose the contents of your arse, i.e. "he's shit it", but Ken Caleno says it means to lose your courage (from Courage's bottled beer)]
BraTung Chee HwaI'm off to buy a tung for the troubles birthday [Admittedly this isn't in common usage - the person who submitted it is an ex-pat living in Hong Kong - I just think it's neat that we Brits will try to bugger up the language of every country we visit! Tung Chee Hwa is the Chief Executive of Hong Kong.]
BracesAirs and GracesHe's got his new airs on.
BrandyFine and DandyA small drop of fine would suit me.
BreadUncle FredHey, mum. Can I have some Uncle Fred with this?
Bread (money)Poppy RedWhere's he stashed his poppy [Thanks to Emyr Marks]
BreastEast West‘ave a look at her easts [Thanks to Sanor]
Broke (financial)Hearts of OakI'm skint mate. Bleedin' hearts.
BrotherManhole CoverMy manhole cover is coming for a visit. [How does manhole cover rhyme with brother you ask? Simple... if you pronounce brother as "bruvver"!]
BrotherOne and t'other'ere's me one and t'other now. [Thanks to Bernie Albert]
Brussel SproutDoubtWithout a brussel mate [Thanks to Chris Ducker]
Brussel SproutShoutGive us a brussel when you're up to it.
BugSteam TugThe bed was full of steamers [Thanks to Roger]
BumKingdom ComeHe just sat on his kingdom all day [Thanks to Alan Little]
BunionSpanish OnionOooh – ‘e’s stepped on me Spanish onion [Thanks to Kristin]
Bunk (bed)Pineapple ChunkI could use a couple of hours in the pineapple [Thanks to B. Hygate]
Burst (urinate)Geoff HurstI'm dying for a Geoff. [Geoff Hurst's World Cup Final hat-trick v West Germany at Wembley in 1966 and six goals v Sunderland (19.10.68) two years later, have been woven into the fabric of football folklore. Thanks to Stuart Burgess & Gordon Leel]
BusSo Say All Of Ushurry - here's the sosay [Thanks to Peter Duggan]
ButterStammer and StutterExtra stammer for me.
ButterTalk and MutterWould you like some talk on your toast [Thanks to Barry Greenaway]
Cab (taxi)Flounder & DabSee if you can flag down a flounder [Thanks to Chris Webb]
Cab (taxi)Sherbet Dab'e's been on the sherbet for five years (driving a cab). [Thanks to John Butt]
Cab (taxi)Smash & GrabLet's look for a smash and grab [Thanks to Simon Inger]
Café (pronounced caff)Riff RaffI'm off to the riff raff [Thanks to Mike Leith]
CakeSexton Blakeow about a nice slice of sexton? [Possible that Sexton Blake was a detective in comic book stories (?) - thanks to Christopher Webb]
CandleHarry RandallLook at all the Harry's on his cake.
Cans (headphones)Desperate Dans'ere - put your desperates on [Thanks to Chris Hanley]
CarJam JarBloody jam is down again.
CarKareem Abdul JabbarBloody kareem is down again. [Kareem Abdul Jabbar is a basketball player in the U.S. How he got into rhyming slang I'll never know! Thanks to Richard English]
Cardy (cardigan)Linda LusardiOh my God – look at that awful Linda he’s wearing [Thanks to Richard Grieve]
CashArthur AsheThat blokes not short of Arthur [Thanks to Andrew Turner]
CashBangers and MashI knew his cheques were dodgy, so I got him to pay me in bangers [Thanks to John Basquill - see also Sausage and Mash]
CashCrosby, Stills, NashThat blokes not short of Crosby [Thanks to Andrew Turner]
CashHarry NashThere’s a discount if you’re paying Harry Nash [Thanks to Phil Woodford – if anyone knows the origin of this I’d appreciate it]
CashOscar AscheHaven't got an Oscar [Oscar Asche (1871-1936) was an actor and producer or some renown.  Thanks to Ruth Summers]
CashSausage and MashI haven't got a sausage. [A little bit different, but fairly common in many English-speaking countries - see also bangers and mash].
CashSlap DashI haven't any slap dash on me [Thanks to Anonymous]
CellFlowery DellI've got three more years in this flower.
ChairLion's LairHave a lion's while you wait.
ChalkDuke of YorkAll I got for my birthday is a bit of duke.
Chancer (someone not qualified)Bengal LancerNews paper adds would state no bengal lancers when advertising for tradesmen. [Thanks to Ray Davis]
ChangeRifle RangeI haven’t got and rifle for the bus [Thanks to Claire Reed]
ChatBowler HatLet’s get together for a bowler [Thanks to Simon Bray-Stacey]
CheekHide and SeekHe kissed me on my hide and seek [Thanks to Gillian White]
CheeseJohn CleeseI'm meeting the big John Cleese today at work [Thanks to Mitchell]
CheeseStand at EaseWouldn't mind a bit of ease. [For whatever reason this one is backwards - the only rule is that there are no rules!].
ChequeGoose's NeckHe stuck me with a bouncing goose.
ChequeGregory PeckI never 'ad any bread on me, so I 'ad to pay by Gregory. [Thanks to Peter Cotterell] or, [another example from Kevin McKerrell] - I'm going down to the iron to sausage a gregory.
ChequeJeff BeckI'll send you a Jeff Beck [Thanks to Jimmy Horowitz]
ChestBird's NestI had to punch him in the bird's nest. [Thanks to Robert Lynch]
ChestGeorge Best(In football) Over 'ere son, on me Georgie [Thanks to S. Sexton. George Best is a famous footballer]
ChestPants and VestThis cough is killing me pants and vest 
Child MolesterCharlie ChesterHave you seen how young ‘is bird is?  He’s a right Charlie Chester [Thanks to Tim B]
Child MolesterUncle FesterHe's a bit of an Uncle Fester [Thanks to Graham Taylor]
ChinBiscuit TinHe's got a big biscuit [Thanks to Keith Cole]
Chink (Chinese)Rink-a-dinkWe're going to get rinky take-away. [Thanks to Sparky James]
Chink (Chinese)Tiddley Wink‘e’s not from around these parts.  I think e’s a tiddley [Thanks to Stewart Stallworthy]
ChipsJockey WhipsI'll have a large plate of jockey's [Thanks to Paul Aylett]
ChumFruit GumHow yer doing, my old fruit [Thanks to Nick Williams]
CiderEasy RiderPint of Easy Rider please [Thanks to Jo Miller]
CiderSue RyderGive us a pint of Sue, mate [Thanks to Graham Taylor - The Sue Ryder Foundation works for the sick and disabled]
CiderWinona RyderCan I get two pints of winona please [Thanks to Tony Whelan]
CigarLa-di-daI enjoy a good la-di-da after me meal [Thanks to Sparky James.  Lenny wrote to say that Michael Caine (a somewhat well known Cockney) once asked if he could light up a lardy in his taxi.]
Clanger (mistake)Coat HangerHe dropped a coat [Thanks to Neil Devlin. A clanger is when you really put your foot in it.]
ClassBottle and GlassHe don't have the bottle [Thanks to Rob O'Connor]
Clink (jail)Kitchen SinkAfter that last episode he'll be in the kitchen for a while [Thanks to Wendy Shaw]
ClockDickory DockWhat's the time on the dickory? [Paul Millington writes  that cabbies used the expression to refer to the meter [“What’s on the hickory then?)]
ClueDanny LaRueHe ain't got a danny. [Thanks to Charly Large]
CluePot of Glue'e hasn't got a pot of glue [Thanks to Martin Groves]
ClueScooby-DooI haven't got a scooby [Thanks to Jonathan Harris]
ClueVindalooHe hasn’t got a bloody vinda [Thanks to Carla Forbes Pool]
CoatNanny GoatPut your nannies on - it's taters out. [Thanks to Martin McKerrell]
CoatWeasel and StoatI left my weasel in the pub. [See also throat]
Cockney Rhyming SlangChitty Chitty Bang BangWe're talking about chitty chitty on this web site [Thanks to Hywel Jones]
CoffeeEverton ToffeeI’ll have an everton [Thanks to Andrew Mkandawire]
ColdPotatoes in the MouldBlimey – it’s taters out there [Thanks to Sparky James]
ColdPotatoes in the mouldCor, taters out there init? [Thanks to Ossie Mair]
CookBabbling BrookMy missus couldn't babble to save her life. [See also Crook]
Copper (police)GrasshopperHe got nabbed by the grasshoppers.
Coppers (police)Bottles and StoppersBlimey - I think the bottles are on to me!
CornerJohnnie HornerI'll meet you 'round the Johnnie.
CoughBoris KarloffThat’s a nasty Boris you’ve got there mate [Thanks to Paul Liney]
CoughBoris KarloffThat’s a nasty old boris you’ve got there son [Thanks to Paul Liney]
CoughDarren GoughThis Darren is killing me pants and vest [Darren Gough is one heck of a cricketer.]
Crabs (pubic lice)Marble SlabsE's got a right case of marbles [Thanks to Chris Webb]
CrapMaccaI'm off for a macca [Mark Crowe admits this ones a bit convoluted but apparently it's common in some areas so I've included it. Comes from Macaroni = pony; Pony & Trap = Crap]
CrapPony and Trap'Ang on, mate. Just gotta 'ave a pony [Thanks to Peter Cotterell]. Or, another usage if something's a bit off (i.e.. not of good quality) - That's a bit pony mate! [Thanks to Jon Hughes]
CrashSausage and MashHe was in a fearsome sausage.
CrimeLemon LimeNot one lemon reported all night [Thanks to Alan Little]
CrippleRaspberry RippleThe old boy's a raspberry [Thanks to Sparky James]
CrookBabbling BrookHe's always on the babble. [Meaning he's always planning something crooked. See also Cook].
CuddleMix and MuddleCome and give us a nice mix and muddle [Thanks to Claire Reed]
C**tBerkshire HuntHe's a right berk.
C**tEthan HuntHe's a right Ethan [Ethan Hunt is the main characters name in the Mission: Impossible movies.  Thanks to Steve Fuller]
C**tGrumble and GruntHe's after your grumble [Thanks to Chris Webb]
C**tStruggle and GruntThat ones a right struggle.
CupboardMother HubbardThere's nothing in the mother.
CurryRuby MurrayI'm going for a ruby. [Thanks to Mark Pearson][Ruby Murray was a singer in Glasgow back in the 30's or 40's - thanks to Peter Cotterell for the Ruby Murray info. N. Matthews tells me that Ruby was an Irish singer (1935-1996) popular in the mid to late 1950's.  Got a note from Sandy Everitt who knew Ruby Murray – Ruby was a top recording star in the 1950’s who achieved the rare feat of having five songs in the top 20 at one time.  Ruby died in 1996]
CurtainsRichard BurtonsShut the Richards - I'm trying to get some kip [Thanks to Ray Wells]
Darlin'Briney MarlinYou look lovely tonight, me old briney.
DaughterBricks and MortarI'm taking me bricks and mortar shopping. [Thanks to Geoff and Niki Sams]
DaughterDidn't oughtaHe brought his didn't oughta [Thanks to Chris Webb]
DaughterLamb to the SlaughterThat blokes lamb is a real stunner [Thanks to Peter Schlosser]
DeadBrown BreadI'm telling you, mate. He's brown bread [Thanks to Peter Cotterell]
DeadHovis BreadOld Jim is hovis [Thanks to Jeremy Williams]
DeafMutt and JeffPoor buggers mutt and jeff. [Usually full slang expression is used. Keith Turner reports that very often the expression is shortened to mutton as in "Poor buggers mutton".]
Decks (turntables)Posh ‘n BecksHave you got yer posh ‘n becks yet [Thanks to anonymous – see Sex - Posh ‘n Becks]
Dick (penis)Hampton WickHe got his hampton out in the pub last night [Thanks to David Agius.  John Parker adds:  The best use of this was the Goon Show which for a long time had a mythical character called Hugh Hampton where the Hugh was mispronounced as Huge. This running joke was totally missed by the BBC management, who would never have let anything like that on the radio in the 50s/60s.  Graham recalls that the characters name was actually Hugh Jampton - same end result.]
Dick (penis)Three Card TrickShe couldn't keep her jazz bands off my three card trick [Thanks to Peter Norman]
DictionaryTom, Dick and HarryI’ll just check the meaning in the tom [Thanks to Leon Walker]
DinnerJim SkinnerIs my Jim ready yet?
DinnerLilly and SkinnerWhat’s for lilly and skinner [Thanks to Jud Chimp]
DinnerMichael WinnerI’m Hank Marvin.  I could use some top Jackie for me Michael Winner.  [Thanks to Simon Rowan.  Michael Winner is the food critic for the Sunday Times]
Doddle (easy or straight forward)Glenn HoddleThat jobs a Glen Hoddle. [Glenn Hoddle is the coach of the English football team replacing Terry Venables. Thanks to Dave Brown]
DogCherry HoggMy bloody cherry is off again.
Dole (welfare)Ear’ole (Ear Hole)If I get the tin tack I’m going on the ear’ole [Thanks to Paul Liney]
Dole (welfare)Nat King ColeI've got to sign on the old Nat King [Thanks to Hywel Jones. Ray Wells says it's also known as Old King Cole]
Dole (welfare)Rock and Roll'e hasn't worked a day in 'is life... 'e's always been on the rock and roll. [Thanks to Mark Moule]
Dole (welfare)Sausage RollHe ain't worked in years - he's on the sausage. [Thanks to Martin McKerrell]
DollarOxford ScholarStupid horse cost me an Oxford. [Pre-war the dollar was worth just less than 5 shillings, so an Oxford is worth 5 shillings or a crown - thanks to Jim Williams]
DoorHenry MooreThey broke the 'enry down at number thirty two [Thanks to Alan Little]
Dope (marijuana)Bob HopeI think he’s been smoking a bit of Bob Hope [Thanks to Phil Woodford]
DraftGeorge RaftThere's a bit of a george in here. [Thanks to Jim Battman]
DrinkTiddley WinkJust one more tiddley and I'm off; or, He's popped down to the pub for a tiddle.
DrugsPersian Rugs‘ere mate.  Got any Persians? [Thanks to David Rolph]
DrunkElephant's TrunkHe shouldn't be driving! He's bloody elephant's.
Dump (shit)Camel's HumpJust going for a quick camels [Thanks to Kevin Lowther who tells me this one was used in Abu Dhabi]
Dump (shit)Donald TrumpI've got to go for a donald [Thanks to Peter Conway]
Dump (shit)Forrest Gump"Off out in 10 minutes?" "Yeah, just got to have a Forrest first". [Thanks to Richard English]
Dyke (Lesbian)Magnus PikeShe looks like a right Magnus [Thanks to Steve Vincent - Magnus Pike was an 'off the wall' TV personality who would (and could) explain complex scientific concepts to kids]
Dyke (lesbian)Raleigh BikeShe’s a right Raleigh [Thanks to Claire Reed]
Dyke (Lesbian)Three Wheel TrikeShe's a bit of a three wheeler [Thanks to Barry Smith.  Ray Wells has heard the expression rusy bike as well]
EarlyLiz Hurley‘e’s never gotten here liz [Thanks to Paul Woodford
EarnerBunsen BurnerThe jobs not much but it's a nice little bunsen [Thanks to Laurie Bamford]
EarsTen Speed GearsLook at the size of 'is ten speeds [Thanks to Billy Wade]
EngineerGinger BeerHe knows his stuff. He is a ginger, after all.
ErectionStanding ElectionHe's holding a standing election in his callards [Thanks to Buddy]
Evening PostBeans on ToastGo and buy the beans on toast will you son [Thanks to Hefin Gill]
EyesMince PiesShe got beatiful minces.
FableRailway Timetable(After someone tells you a tall tale) What’s he been doin’?  Reading a railway table.  [Might also be substituted with bus timetable – Thanks to Paul Island]
FaceBoat RaceNice legs, shame about the boat. [Also a good song by The Monks]
FaceCod & PlaiceIt's too cold outside; no good for my cod [Thanks to Mark Elston]
FaceChevy ChaseShe's got a lovely Chevy Chase [Thanks to Adrian Calvin and Paul Beer]
FaceJem MaceWipe that look off your jem [Thanks to Chris Webb - Jem Mace was a boxer in the late 19th century]
FactsBrass Tacks'Ere, you've got your brass wrong! [Thanks to Alan Little]
Fag (cigarette)Cough and DragI’m going out for a quick cough and drag [Thanks to Trevor Baker]
Fag (cigarette)Harry WraggHave you got a harry? [Frank Baynham reports that Harry Wragg was a famous jockey]
Fag (cigarette)Melvynn BraggOi, mate. Can I scrounge a melvynn of you [Thanks to Mark Holmans who reports that Melvynn was a television host]
Fag (cigarette)Oily RagGive us an oily. [Thanks to David Hughes]
Fag (cigarette)Toe Rag / Tow RagLend us a sprarsy - I wanna get some toe-rags [Thanks to Mike Smith. Mike says he thinks toe-rags refer to the rags people used to wrap around their feet when they didn't have shoes… we used to call our socks toe-rags which is probably the same origin. He also says his old dad used to call some people a toe-rag and suspects it might have been an insult (reference to fag = queer).]

[Martin McKerrell adds that toe rag referred to a small time petty thief, in his words "the sort of dirty little toe rag who would live next door and break into your house and nick the Christmas presents".] [Gillian adds "term is commonly used, at least in Scotland, meaning just a bit stronger than "rascal" and probably spelled without the e: 'You little torag.' I always thought it did come from terms used to refer to travelling people."][And Michael Kendix adds:  I heard that "Toe rag" came from "Taureg" a nomadic people living in the Arabian desert, regarded by colonial powers as "low life's".  So, it would be insulting to refer to someone as a "Toe rag", which, as you say, could be used to describe a ne'er do well!  And Paul offers a somewhat disturbing image: In the times of Nelsons navy paper was too expensive to use in the head (toilet) and so sailors would get a short length of rope (toe) and unravel it until it resemble rags (toe-rag), this would then be used instead of paper and had the added benefit that t could be washed and re-used.]
FakeSexton BlakeHe wears a Cartier but it's a sexton [Thanks to Martyn Tracy. See also 'Sexton Blake-cake']
FannyAuntie AnnieShe’s just sitting at home on her Auntie Annie [Thanks to “the boys at CHS]
FannyJack and DannyShe's just sitting at home on her Jack and Danny [Thanks to Glenn Collignon]
Farmer (see usage)Arnold Palmer'e's a right Arnold [Thanks to Nick Williams. I love this one - it refers to a golfer who spends a lot of time in the long grass around a course]
Farrahs (trousers)Bow and ArrowsNice pair of bow and arrows [Use your best Cockney accent here.  The reference is to Farrah slacks – Thanks to Simon Mahon]
FartD'Oyly CarteHave you done a d’oyly? [D’Oyly Carte is a light opera company – thanks to David Poulten]
FartHorse and CartHave you just horse & carted? [Thanks to Paul Beer]
FartOrson (i.e. Horse ‘n Cart)He’s dropped an orson [Thanks to Paul Gardner]
FartRaspberry TartHe blew a raspberry. [Thanks to Tobias Bard]
FavourCheesy QuaverDo us a cheesy, put it on your web site. [Thanks to Ed Wright]
FeelOrange PeelI fancy an orange of her Bristols! [Thanks to Chris Webb)
FeetDogs MeatMe dogs are barking [Meaning my feet are tired.  Thanks to Sparky]
FeetPlates of MeatGet your plates of the table.
Fibs (lies)Scott GibbsHe’s been telling scotts again [Scott Gibbs is a rugby star – thanks to Hefin Gill]
FightRead and WriteHe'd rather read than walk away.
FineCalvin KleinI'm calvin today. [Thanks to Tony Alderton]
FishLilian GishGood day at the stream. Got a pair of Lilian's.
FistOliver TwistNext thing I know he's got his Oliver in my face.
Fiver (£5 note)Lady GodivaEre, that bloke still owes me lady! [Thanks to Peter Cotterell]
Fiver (£5 note)Taxi Driver'ere - you owe me a taxi [Thanks to David]
Flares (wide bottom trousers)Lionel BlaireGot on his best lionels for the evening. [Lionel Blaire is a performer. Thanks to Josh Holmes]
FlashLemon DashDon’t act so lemon [Thanks to Simon Mahon]
Flash (natty)Harry Dash'e was alway a bit of an 'arry [Thanks to Sparky James]
FlowersApril ShowersI forgot it was my anniversary, so I picked some aprils on the way home.
Flying SquadSweeney ToddHere comes the Sweeney [the Flying Squad are the police]
ForkDuke of YorkKeep your fingers out of your grub, man.  Use a duke [Thanks to Sparky James]
FunctionSpaghetti Junctione's got spaghetti tonight.
GarageSteve ClaridgeI've just gotta go down the Steve for some petrol [Thanks to Jon Simmons. It helps if you realize that garage, which commonly rhymes with mirage in North America, more usually rhymes with carriage in Britain. A great Tony Hancock piece has him trying to act all condescending and pronouncing it the American way, confusing the ears off a local constable. Steve Claridge is a venerable striker, late of Leicester.]
Gargle (drunk)Arthur Scargill'e's right Authur'd [Thanks to John Claffey]
Gay (homosexual)Bale of HayDon't bother Britany - he's bale. [Thanks to Uncle Custard who also provided the example of usage… just who do you suppose Britany is?]
Gay (homosexual)Doctor DreE’s a bit of a doctor [Dr. Dre is a rap artist – Thanks to Will Sowden]
Gay (homosexual)Finlay QuayeThat boozer is  Finlay ub [Thanks to Stuart Taylor –Finlay Quaye is a musician]
Gay (homosexual)First of MayHe's a right first [Thanks to Jeremy Williams]
Gay (homosexual)Ted RayHe's a bit Ted. [Ted Ray was an actor/comedian in the sixties. This association actually comes from a particularly bad movie "My Wife's Family" where he played a character called Jack Gay. Thanks to Stuart Burgess & Gordon Leel]
GeezerFridge & FreezerHe’s a right fridge [Thanks to Tomma]
GeezerIce Cream Freezer'e's not a bad old ice cream [Thanks to Vince Scott]
GeezerJulius Caesar'ere, look at the 'ampsteads on that Julius [Thanks to Dudley]
GeezerLemon SqueezerI saw that lemon we met in the rub-a-dub last night [Thanks to Mark Foster]
GhostPillar and PostLooks like he’s seen a pillar [Thanks to Neil Gemmill]
GinMother's RuinAnother mothers would sit well.
GinNeedle and PinI'll have a small needle and tonic.
GinNose and ChinI'll have a drop of nose and chin [Thanks to Philip Hart]
GinThick & ThinI enjoy a bit of thick and thin [Thanks to Beanage]
GinVera LynnI'll have one more Vera before I hit the frog and toad. [Thanks to Mark Hamnett]
GirlCadbury SwirlCome over here, me old Cadbury [Thanks to Jonathan Burroughs]
GirlTwist and TwirlShe looks like a nice twist [Thanks to Alan Little]
Git (twit)Strawberry SplitThat bloke's a right strawberry [Thanks to Dennis Wise]
GlovesTurtle Dove'sWhere's me turtle dove's [Thanks to John Ioannou]
GoScapa FlowScapa! [Actually pronounced 'Scarper' - just one example of not being satisfied with the slang, they then mispronounce the word to thoroughly confuse everyone.  Robert Benoist sent me the following which I found interesting:  Scapa Floe was a Royal Naval base established in the 20th Century and famous for the scuttling of the German fleet in 1919 and a subsequent WW11 battle. Before 1919 it is doubtful whether anyone in the country let alone cockneys would have heard of it.

In Mayhew's London Labour and the London Poor (vol 3 1851) there is a chapter on Punch Talk (basically the slang language used by traveling Italian Punch and Judy men and entertainers). This slang contains both English and Italian roots. In Punch Talk "To get away quickly" e.g. from the police or authority is spoken and written as scarper. This comes from the Italian Scappare. Punch talk formed one of the roots of Polari which also incorporated rhyming slang and was used first by the east end street traders, and then the west end street traders, and finally by homosexuals in the 40's and 50's. There are almost as many Polari expressions currently used as there are rhyming slang. It is probable that after 1919 it was imagined that the word had originated in the rhyming slang after Scapa Floe but I think the evidence firmly points to its Italian Origins.]
Gob (mouth)Gang and MobHe's got a big gang [Thanks to Dave Connolly]
GoodRobin HoodThat sounds like it's robin [Thanks to Alan Little]
GossipRex MossopWhat's the latest Rex, love? [Thanks to Rebecca Marks who tells me Rex is an Aussie sports commentator]
Grand (1000)Bag of SandHe owes me a bag [Thanks to Keith Cole]
GravyArmy and NavyCan I have some army for my mashed?
GreekBubble and Squeak'E's not a bad bloke for a bubble. [Bubble and squeak is a uniquely British dish of fried mashed potatoes and something green (usually cabbage, but left over brussel sprouts work well).  Thanks to Mark Pearson]
Guts (stomach)Newington ButtsMe Newingtons are playing me up. [Thanks to Mark Crowe and Martin McKerrell - Michael Faraday (the magnet fellow) born in Newington Butts, the area of London now known as the Elephant and Castle]
GutterBread and ButterFound him laying in the bread and butter. [Usually full slang expression is used]
GymFatboy SlimI’m going down to the fatboy [Fatboy Slim is a recording artist – thanks to Martin Rowe]
HaddockFanny CraddockFanny and chips for supper? [Thanks to Sparky James]
HairBarnet FairShe must be going out - she's got her Barnet done.
HairBiffo the BearMe biffo’s not looking the best today [Biffo the Bear was on the cover of Beano from 1948 to 1974.  Thanks to Gillian White]
HairBonney FairShe's got beautiful shiny bonney.
Half (a pint)Cow and CalfI could use a cow and calf [Thanks to Nick Williams. He reports that there's a pub in Grenoside (near Sheffield) called the Cow and Calf]
HandSt. Martins-Le-GrandI had it in my St. Martins a minute ago [Thanks to Alan Little]
HandsGerman BandsGet your germans off my missus.
HandsJazz BandsGet yer jazz bands off me [Thanks to Peter Norman]
HatTitfer (Tit for Tat)Lovely titfer. [This one uses the first two words - probably because saying "lovely tit" proved awkward]
HeadCrust of BreadUse your crust mate.
HeadLoaf of BreadDon't just stand there - use your loaf.
Head (fellatio)Blood RedShe likes to give blood. [Thanks to Kirk Whitworth]
HeartStrawberry TartMe strawberry belongs to you [Thanks to John Curnow]
HellGypsy NellMy knee is giving me gyp today. [Thanks to Chris Webb]
HemorrhoidClement FreudOooh, me clements! [Thanks to Ian Coppell]
HemorrhoidsEmma FreudsMe Emma's are playing me up. [Emma is a BBC DJ on Radio 1 - Thanks to Stuart Burgess & Gordon Leel]
HeroinVera LynnGoodbye Vera Lynn [from Pink Floyd – “Goodbye Vera Lynn.

I'm leaving you today" meaning I’m giving up heroin, written at that time for Gilmore.  Thanks to Joe Lovick for the slang and the references]
HillJack and JillThe store is up the jack. [See also Bill]
HoleDrum RollLet's pop 'round to my drum (referring to someone's house). [Thanks to Dave Hughes]
HomePope in RomeLet's pop 'round his pope and fetch him.
HostPillar and PostWho’s the pillar and post for tonight? [Thanks to Dave]
HotPeas in a PotDon't touch that - it's bloody peasy.
HouseCat and MouseWent 'round to his cat to wake him up.
HouseMickey MouseI'm taking my missus to the mickey tonight. [Usually means a theatre rather than a residence]
Howler (mistake)Robbie FowlerI made a right Robbie yesterday [Thanks to John Revell – Robbie Fowler  plays for Liverpool]
HymenBill WymanVirgin?  Don’t think so mate – not a bill in sight [Thanks to Benjamin Smith.  Bill Wyman is, of course, with the Rolling Stones and Benjamin reports he had a bit of a penchant for the younger cadburys]
IceBlind MiceI'll have a Gold and Blind [Thanks to John Gibson]
JacketDesmond HackettHe's sporting a new Desmond [Thanks to Chris Webb - Mr. Hackett is a renowned Daily Express sports reporter]
JacketTennis RacquetI bought a new tennis racquet [Thanks to Laura Clifford]
JailBucket and PailOne drink too many and I get seven days in the bucket.
JailGinger Ale'e's doing time in the ginger. [Thanks to Wendy Shaw]
JeansHarpers and QueensHe's sporting a new pair of harpers [Thanks to Neale Davison.  Harpers and Queen is a woman's magazine "Published in London for the World"]
JeansRunner BeansHow do you like me new runners [Thanks to Darren Foreman]
JeansSteve McQueensMe new steves are a bit tight [Thanks to Mark Holmans]
JewFive to TwoIf you're a fiver then today's your Sabbath.
JewFour by TwoHe's not from around here - he's a four.
JewelleryTom FooleryThat bloke looks a flash, look at all his tom. [Thank the Peter Cotterell]
JiveDuck and DiveShe can’t half duck and dive [Thanks to Podster]
JobCorn on the Cob'e can't afford it - 'e ain't got a corn [Thanks to Mike Smith]
JobDog's KnobMe new motor is just the dog's knob [Thanks to Nick Williams]
Jock (Scot)Sweaty SockThere was an Englishman, an Irishman and a sweaty on a boat... [This term is usually derogatory. Thanks to Dave Brown]
JokeRum and CokeGo on then, tell us another rum and coke [Thanks to Martin Hillier]
JokerDouble YokerWho's this double yoker [Thanks to Joel Glover]
JudgeBarnaby RudgeI'm up in front of the Barnaby tomorrow morning.
Jugs (breasts)Carpets and RugsThat girls has a lovely set of carpets [Thanks to Benjamin Smith]
Kebab (shish kebab)Phil BabbBloody hell, boys, I'm proper Oliver'd - anyone fancy a Phil? [Thanks to John Loveday]
KeenTorvill and DeanShe's a bit torvill on my mate Barry [Thanks to Darryl Middleton]
KettleHansel & GretelI put the Hansel on for a nice cup of Rosy [Thanks to Peter Robinson]
KeyBrenda LeeWhere’s me brenda’s? [Thanks to Nick Webster]
KeyVivian LeeWhere's me Vivian? [Thanks to John Kitley]
KeysBruce Lee’sHave you seen me brucies? [Thanks to Graham Cooper]
KeysJohn Cleese‘ave you seen me johns [Thanks to Mathew]
KeysKnobbly KneesHave you got your knobblies with you? [Thanks to Beeman]
KidneyBo DiddleyMe bo’s are giving me gyp [Thanks to Jay]
KidsDustbin LidsA nice girl but too many dustbin's.
KidsGod ForbidsCouldn't hear a thing 'cause of all the Godfor's.
KidsSaucepan LidsI'm forever buy clothes for the saucepan lids [Thanks to Peter Cotterell - see also 'Yid']
KidsTeapot LidsI'm taking my little teapot to country.
KidsTin LidsI can't put me foot down without stepping on one of the tin lids. [Thanks to Bernie Albert]
KissHeavenly BlissC’mon me turtle, give us an ‘eavenly [Thanks to Rebecca Coonan]
KissHit and MissHow about a bit of hit and miss [Thanks to Doosh]
Knackered (tired)Cream CrackeredI'm cream crackered, mate. [Thanks to David Carruthers]
Knackered (tired)Kerry PackerI'm right Kerry'd [Thanks to David Bennett - Kerry Packer is an Australian media magnate (and bleeding rich!)]
Knackers (testicles)Jacobs CrackersThat toe-rag kicked me in the Jacobs [Thanks to Bryan Rayner]
KneesBiscuits and CheeseI've been on my biscuits all day.
KnickersAlan WhickersThe 'lastics gone in me alans. [Alan Whicker used to host a TV programme called Whickers World - Thanks to Peter Cotterell]
Knob (penis)Uncle Bob‘e’s a bit proud of his Uncle Bob [Thanks to “the boys at CHS”]
Kraut (German)Rainbow TroutBloody rainbows beat us at football last night! [Thanks to Alex Gordon]
LagerForsythe SagaMines a forsythe [Thanks to Den Frankham]
LagerMick JaggerHow about a couple of Mick Jaggers over here? [Thanks to Colin Reid]
Lark (fun)Tufnell ParkAlways one for a tufnell [Thanks to Michael Mundy]
LateCilla BlackYou’re a bit Cilla today, mate [Thanks to Justyn Olby who explains that this comes from Cilla Black’s Blind Date TV programme that was popular]
LateTerry WaiteYou’re a bit Terry Waite [Thanks to Paul Woodford]
LaterBaked PotatoI'll see ya baked. [Thanks to Eric Van Zanten]
LaterChristian SlaterSee you Christian Slater [Thanks to Kris Grissom]
LaughBubble BathYou're 'avin a bubble aren't ya? [Thanks to Neil Churchard]
LaughCows CalfYour having a cows calf, ain't you [Thanks to Graham Todd]
LaughGiraffeYou're havin' a giraffe, mate. [Thanks to Ed Balch]
LaughSteffi GrafYou're having a Steffi [Thanks to Peter Grewal]
LaughTurkish BathHe's havin' a turkish. [Thanks to Chris Baylis]
LaughWally's ScarfHe's having a wally [Thanks to Keith Cole]
LegsBacon and EggsLovely set of bacons [James Robinson notes that this can be Ham & Eggs as well].
LegsDolly Pegs'ave a butchers at the dollies on 'er [This comes from the old style wooden clothes pegs that little girls used to draw faces on and make little dresses and hats/hair for, hence the dolly peg. Thanks to Simon]
LegsMumbley PegsStand on your own mumbleys [Thanks to Sanor]
LegsNutmegsHe was nutmegged [this is a common football term for when the ball is kicked between an opponents legs and then the other player runs around to get control of the ball again – thanks to Allen Keep]
LegsPins and PegsI was so surprised I nearly fell off me pins [Thanks to Sparky James]
LegsScotch PegsSit down and take a load off your pegs. [For whatever reason, the common usage is the rhyming word rather than the first]
Leicester SquareEuan BlairWe're getting off the train at Euan Blair station [Thanks to Vix.  Mark points out that Euan Blair (Prime minister's underage son) was found drunk by police in Leicester Square earlier this year.  Hence the slang.]
LesbianWest End ThespianShe's a lovely girl but she is west end, you know. [Thanks to Richard English]
LiarBob CryerShut up you Bob - yer talking out yer aris [Sergeant Bob Cryer is a character in "The Bill". Thanks to Kelly Webb]
LiarDunlop Tyre‘e’s a bit of a dunlop [Thanks to Donald Burk]
LiarHoly Friar‘e’s a bit of a holy friar [Thanks to Donald Burk]
LiesPork PiesBlimey - he gets two pigs (beers) in him and he starts telling porkies.
LifeNelly DuffNot on your nelly, mate.  [The expression 'not on your nelly', meaning 'not on your life' (meaning that the person would never do something), is from Nelly Duff which rhymes with puff which means breath which is another way of saying life...  convoluted little devil, isn't it?  From everything I researched it would seem Nelly Duff was a fictional character but this is not certain.  Thanks to Cathleen Kelly]
Life (term)Porridge Knife'e's doing a stay in the porridge. [Thanks to Alan Morgan]
LiverCheerful GiverLovely - cheerful for dinner tonight. [Mike King has written to say that he that the slang for liver comes from "The Lord loves a cheerful giver", which was then shortened to Lord... Lovely - we're have the Lord for dinner tonight.]
LiverSwanee RiverWe're having swanee for dinner again? [Thanks to John Gibson who actually heard this in an interview with Ian Drury who, talking about his colon cancer, said, "... it's in me swanee now".]
LodgerArtful DodgerShe's taken in an artful to help pay the way.
LookButcher's HookHere - take a butcher's at this.
LookCaptain CookI just went over there for a captain [Thanks to Ashleigh Mills]
Loot (money)Fibre of your fabricC'mon, let me feel the fibre of your fabric [Thanks to Olli Black - fabric=suit=loot]
Lot (Serving or share)Hopping PotThat's your hopping mate. [Meaning, that's all you get. Thanks to James Vosper who says that this may have originated with Londoners who traveled to Kent and other districts to gather hops for beer]
LoveTurtle DoveAll right me old turtle [Thanks to Vince Scott]
LuckDonald DuckHow's your Donald? [Thanks to Charly Large]
LuckFriar Tuck'E always had a bit of friar tuck. [Thanks to Martyn Tracy]
MadMum and DadHe's a bit mum and dad. [Thanks to Louis and Natalie Brinks]
MarriageHorse and Carriagee's off to his 'orse and carriage [Thanks to Emma]
MarriedCash and CarriedPoor bloke got cashed on the weekend.
MatchesCuts and ScratchesDo you have any cuts?
MateChina PlateHow are you, my old china?
MateGarden GateHe’s an old garden gate from school [Thanks to Martin Hillier]
Meetin' (meeting)Buster KeatonWe'll see you at the Buster [Thanks to Kris Grissom]
MentalRadio RentalHe's a bit radio [Thanks to Louis and Natalie Brinks]
Mental (crazy)Chicken OrientalIt was chicken oriental down the nuclear on Friday night [Thanks to Phil Vondra]
MerryTom and JerryE’s a tommy bloke [Thanks to Sparky James]
MessElliot NessMy drum's a right Elliot [Thanks to Nick Williams]
MilkAcker BilkWould you like Acker in your coffee? [Thanks to Barry Greenaway. Acker Bilk (born Bernard Stanley Bilk) was born in 1929 is a master of the clarinet and leader of the Paramount Jazz Band. Interestingly, his nickname Acker is a Somerset term meaning friend or mate]
MindChinese BlindYou're out of you little chinese mate. [Thanks to Danny O'Sullivan]
MissCuddle and KissShe's a cute little cuddle.
Missus (Mrs)Love and KissesWhere did your love and kisses go? [Thanks to Alan Little]
Missus (Mrs)Plates and DishesHow's the plates getting on then? [Thanks to Alan Little]
MoneyBees and HoneyCan't go in there without any bees.
MoneyBread and HoneyLet's drink with him - he's got bread. [This one has enjoyed very common usage]
MoneyBugs BunnyI've got some Bugs bunny in me sky rocket and I'm off down the rub-a-dub-dub. [Thanks to Nigel Ritson]
Motor (car)Haddock and BloaterI’ve gone and locked me keys in the haddock [Thanks to Alistair Steadman]
MouthNorth and SouthI gave him a punch up the north.
Mug (chump)Toby JugI'm tired of people taking me for a toby [Thanks to Roger Gillespie]
NeckBushel and PeckHe's got a bushel like tree trunk.
NeckGregory PeckWind you Gregory in [Thanks to Graham Todd]
NervesWest Ham Reservese's got a bad case of the West Ham's [Thanks to Martin Elliot]
NewsWooden PewsDid you catch the wooden pews yesterday [Thanks to LO]
Nick (prison)Shovel and PickHe's spending a bit of time in the shovel. [Thanks to John Butt]
NightmareLionel BlaireI'm havin' a right lionel [Lionel Blaire is a performer. Thanks to Jonathan Harris]
NightmareWeston-Super-MareWent for an interview yesterday - it was a total Weston-Super [Weston Super Mare is the main coastal resort of North Somerset. Thanks to Christian Martinsen]
NippleRaspberry RippleLook at the thup'neys on her, raspberries like cigar buts! [Can also mean cripple. Thanks to Dave Brown]
Nippy (cold)George and ZippyIt’s a bit George [Thanks to Sam Murray – Eli Davenport reports that George & Zippy are from an old BBC kids show called Rainbow]
NoiseBox of ToysHold your box - they can hear you miles away!
NoseFireman's HoseLook at the size of his fireman's [Thanks to Keith Cole]
NoseFray BentosLook at the Fray Bentos on that poor sod [Fray Bentos is a maker of a fabulous Steak & Kidney Pie (and other treats).  Thanks to Ray Wells]
NoseI SupposeThat rotten drunk gave me a clip on me I suppose.
NoseIrish RoseShe gave me a kiss on my Irish.
NunCurrent BunMy meanest teachers were currents [Thanks to Aziz McMahon]
Nutter (crazy)Roll and ButterThat blokes a bloody roland [Like titfer meaning hat, this expression uses the first two words rather than just the first.  Thanks to Rhian]
Off (take off, leave)Frank BoughI'm gonna do the Frank [see 'scoff'.  Frank Bough was a television personality - Thanks to Tom Kimber]
Old Man (Father or Husband)Pot and PanI was talking to me old pot just yesterday. [Thanks to Bernie Albert and Colin]
On My OwnTobleroneHe's over there on his toblerone [Thanks to Laura Clifford
Out of OrderAllan BorderHe's bang Allan [used when someone does something to another person that is not looked upon favourably. Allan Border was the Australian cricket captain in the late 80's/early 90's so we now have our first example of international rhyming slang.]
PaddyTea CaddyDid you know Kevin is a tea caddy? [Thanks to Kevin Moynihan]
PagerJohn MajorMe John Major’s just gone off [Thanks to Ian Nelson]
PakistaniBacon SarnieThey've hired a new bloke at the shop - he's a bacon [Thanks to Nathaniel Espino. Sarnie is a slang term for sandwich (and if you haven't eaten a cold bacon sandwich you haven't lived. Nathaniel notes that this expression may be considered offensive]
PakistaniReg VarneyMartin's new bird's a Reg [Thanks to Jonny Morris. Reg played Stan Butler on 'On the Buses', one of the 1970's BritComs]
PantsAdam AntGet your adam’s on [Thanks to Mike Leith]
PantsSurrey & HantsBlimey, I have no clean surreys [Thanks to Oliver Dick]
Paper (newspaper)Linen DraperHas the morning linen come yet?
ParcelElephant and CastleWot you got ‘ere then, a bleedin’ elephant [Thanks to Paul Island]
ParkNoah's ArkI'm taking my misses to the Noah.
PartyMoriartyMental morry mate [Thanks to Simon Mahon]
PartyRussell HartyI've phoned for a sherbert to take us to the Russell [Thanks to Jo Walker - Russell Harty is a TV host]]
PeasJohn CleeseEat yer John Cleese - they're good for you [Thank to Mike Leith]
PeasKnobbly KneesWe’re havin’ sexton and knobblies [Thanks to Mathew]
PeeGypsy Rose LeeI’m off for a gypsy [Thanks to John Trimmer]
PestFred WestHere comes that Fred West again [Fred West was and alleged mass murderer found hanged in his jail sail in 1995.  Thanks to Kevin Wade]
TonicPhilharmonicI'll have a Vera and Phil (gin and tonic) [Thanks to Michael Hawkins]
PhoneAl CaponeHe’s always on the al capone [Thanks to Mike Agnes]
PhoneDog and BoneShe's always on the dog.
PianoJoannaHe sparkles on the joanna. [Just to confuse you, they mispronounce the word you're trying say, so instead of 'piano' they call it a 'piana']
PicturesDolly MixturesGoing out to the Dolly Mixtures tonight [Thanks to Philip Hart - Dolly Mixtures are ]
Piddle (urinate)Jimmy RiddleI've had three pints - I could use a jimmy.
PilesNuremberg TrialsMe Nuremberg's are really playing me up [Thanks to Barry Greenaway]
Piles (hemorrhoids)Chalfont St GilesMe chalfonts are playing up. [Thanks to Paul Costello]
Piles (hemorrhoids)Farmer GilesBlimey, I ain't 'alf suffering from me farmers [Thanks to David Hughes]
Piles (hemorrhoids)Nobby StilesMe nobbies are acting up again [Nobby Stiles was a great footballer from years gone by - Thanks to David Hughes]
Piles (hemorrhoids)Rockford FilesMe Jim Rockford's are giving me gip! [Jim Rockford was the central character in the TV show The Rockford Files. Thanks to Paul Darbyshire]
Piles (hemorrhoids)Sieg HeilsI'll stand if you don't mind - me sieg heils are acting up today.
Piles (hemorrhoids)Slay 'em in the aislesMe slay 'ems are playing me up. [Thanks to Stuart Burgess & Gordon Leel]
Pill (birth control)Jack and JillShe's on the Jack [Thanks to Justyn Olby]
PillowWeeping Willow'ere. Get yer head off my weeping willow [Thanks to Graham Allen]
PillStrawberry HillI must remember to take my strawberry tonight [Thanks to Jonathan Wills]
PillsJack 'n JillsWhere's me Jack n Jills [Thanks to Brian Kemp]
PillsMick Mills‘e’s always ‘ad a weakness for the Mick Mills [Thanks to Phil Woodford.  Mick Mills played for Ipswich in the ‘70s]
Pinch (steal)Half InchSomeone's half-inched me pint! [Thanks to Mark Schofield]
PipeCherry RipeHe does a cherry [Cherry Ripe is an Australian chocolate bar - although this may be Aussie slang rather than Cockney I've included it since I've received so many submissions for it.  Thanks to Ben Murphy et al]
PissArthur BlissI'm just popping out for an Arthur [Arthur Bliss was a famous English composer (1891-1975). Thanks to Robert Harper]
PissGypsy's KissBlimey - no more beer till I've 'ad a gypsy's.
PissHit and MissI've got to have a hit before we go out.
Piss (Make fun of)Mickey BlissHe’s always taking the mickey out of someone [Mickey is short for a mythical 'Mickey Bliss,' providing the rhyme for 'piss and has been in widespread use since the late 1940s. The original idea was that of deflating someone, recalling the description of a self-important blusterer as 'all piss and wind.'  Thanks to Brown Terriers]
Pissed (angry)Hit ListI'm really hit today [Thanks to Michael G]
Pissed (drunk)Brahms and LisztHe's well Brahms and Liszt , don't give him any more to drink. [Thanks to Ray Davis.  Sometimes the expression "Mozart & Liszt is used.]
Pissed (drunk)Oliver TwistI 'ad one over the eight last night and got completely Olivered. [Thanks to Peter Cotterell]
Pissed (drunk)Schindlers ListI'm a bit schindlers after a too many forsythes [Thanks to Den Frankham]
Pissed (drunk)Scotch Mist'e was completely scotch mist last night. [Thanks to Alan Little. Thanks to Marie Gordon for the example of usage.]
PlateAlexander the GreatDon’t try and scarper before you’ve washed those alexanders [Thanks to Paul Island]
PlayGrass & HayLet's grass and hay down the park [Thanks to Oliver Nunn]
PocketLucy LocketKeep it in your Lucy.
PocketSky RocketI've got nothing in my skies.
Poof (homosexual)Iron HoofHe's a bit of an iron. [Also Horses Hoof]
Poof (homosexual)Tin RoofI think he might be a tin roof [Thanks to Kron]
PornFrankie VaughanIs there any Frankie on the telly tonight? [Thanks to Jason Rankin]
PornJohnny VaughnI enjoy a bit of Johnny [Johnny Vaughn was the star of The Big Breakfast – thanks to Dan Longhurst]
Powder (cocaine)Nikki LauderHe's off doing a bit of Nikki [Thanks to Jim Smith)
Prat (arse)Paper HatHe's a bit of a paper [Thanks to Justin Semmens]
PrayerWeavers' ChairHaven't got a weaver's of getting into her alans. [Thanks to Cormac Kennedy. A weaver's chair has a low profile back allowing free movement of the arms.]
PrickHampton WickHe gets on my wick. [Don't even try to understand this one - just accept it]
PrideJekyll and HydeYou lost your jekyll or something? [Thanks to Joe Mills]
PrisonBoom and Mizzen'e's off to the boom for a bit. [Thanks to Mike Shepherd]
PubNuclear SubI'll meet you down the nuclear at 5 o'clock [Thanks to Robert Lynch]
PubRub-a-dub-dubI'm off to the rub-a-dub-dub. [Comes from the children's rhyme Rub-a-dub-dub, three men in a tub...]
Pube (pubic hair)Rubric's CubeWhen your having a shower make sure you wash your rubric's [Thanks to Andrew Turner]
Puff (marijuana)Mickey DuffHere, mate. Got any Mickey? [Thanks to Nortsqaf2]
Punter (gambler or odds maker)Hillman Hunter‘ere comes another load of Hillmans [the Hillman was a fine auto introduced in 1966.  Thanks to Steve Trice]
PurseGypsy's CurseSomeone's alf-inched me gypsy [Thanks to Martin Grove]
QuarterFarmers DaughterMy Nan want me to get her three farmers of rosie (3/4 lb of tea) [Thanks to Peter Summersgill]
Queen (homosexual)Torvill & DeanHe’s a right old torvill [Thanks to Tony Johnson]
Queer (homosexual)Brighton PierThat blokes a bit of a Brighton [Thanks to S. Sexton]
Queer (homosexual)Ginger BeerHe's a bit ginger [Thanks to Steve Robinson.  See Queer (odd) below]
Queer (homosexual)King Leare's a bit King Lear. [Thanks to Leslie Munday]
Queer (odd)Ginger BeerI don't know about that - sounds a bit ginger.  [Heard from Chris and Colin who have heard the expression "very glass", meaning very strange (from Glass of Beer), based on this rhyme.  Also, see Queer (homosexual) above]
QuidBin LidLend us a bin [Thanks to Richard Hall]
QuidTeapot LidI'm down a teapot already.
RailToby Ale'e's traveling by toby.
Railway GuardChristmas CardLook out for the christmas [Thanks to Sparky James]
RainPleasure and PainAny more pleasure and we'll be swimming.
Rave (dance)Comedy DaveYou coming to the comedy? [Comedy Dave is a Radio 1 DJ – Thanks to Hefin Gill]
Readies (pound notes)Nelson Eddy's'e's got a pile of nelsons! [Thanks to Julia Jones]
RentBurton on TrentThey've raised my burton again.
RentClark KentI'm having a tough time coming up with me Clark [Thanks to Richard Robinson]
RentDuke of KentI can't afford to pay the Duke of Kent this week [Thanks to Mike Smith]
RichScratch & Itch'e's got scratch [Thanks to Richard Lee]
RightIsle of WightDown the High Road to the lights and make an Isle. [Thanks to Daniel Maurer.  Also seen used as slang for "all right" but not in common usage]
RiverShake and ShiverHe jumped right into the shake [Thanks to Alan Little]
RoadFrog and ToadDon't ride your bike on the frog. [See Road = Kermit]
RoadKermit'e took off down the kermit. [From Kermit the Frog = frog and toad = road. Thanks to Gavin Wallace]
RottenDot CottonI’m feeling a bit dot [Dot Cotton is a character from Eastenders – thanks to Rachel Walmsley]
Row (argument)Barn OwlWent up to the dole office today. 'Ad a bit of a barney with the geezer behind the desk. [Thanks to Peter Cotterell][[Not satisfied with the slang, the word is extended to 'Barney' to thoroughly confuse everyone]
Row (argument)Bull and CowHad a right bull with my misses last night.
RumTom ThumbA wee bit of Tom and I'm off.
Sack (fired)Tin TackHe got the tin tack the other day [Thanks to Duncan Whitesmith]
Saloon BarBalloon CarI'll be at the balloon.
SauceDead HorsePass the dead horse [Thanks to Brad Spencer]
ScarMars BarI fell down the apple and pears trying to answer the dog & bone, hit my head and ended up with a mars bar [Thanks to David Bancroft]
Scoff (food)Frank BoughI’m going to get some frank [see 'off'.  Frank Bough  was a television personality – thanks to Martin Brewer]
ScoreBobby MooreYou know the Bobby [Bobby Moore was a great footballer who died in 1993. Thanks to Graham Todd]
ScoreHampden RoarYou know the hampden [Thanks to Andrew Mkandawire who goes on to explain that the Hampden Roar is is a commonly used term that refers to the noise made when fans cheer on Scotland at Hampden Park]
Score (£20)Apple CoreI gave me last apple to that old paraffin [Thanks to Kevin Moynihan]
ScotchGold WatchI'll have a gold watch and ten [Thanks to Del Sinnott]
ScotchPimple and BotchHe enjoys a good pimple.
Scotch (Whisky)Gold Watch'E enjoys his gold watch [Thanks to Martyn Tracy]
Scouser (Liverpudlian)Mickey Mouser'E's a mickey mouser [Refers to someone from Liverpool.  Thanks to César Lozano]
ScoutsBrussel SproutsHe's always been a brussel.
Scran (food)Jackie ChanI’m Hank Marvin.  I could use some top Jackie for me Michael Winner [Thanks to Simon Rowan]
SexPosh ‘n BecksHad a bit of posh with the missus last night [Thanks to Iain Sisson– Posh refers to Posh Spice (Victoria Adams) of the Spice Girls while Becks refers to David Beckham, the famous footballer she married.  Another example of Rhyming Slang evolving to reflect the times.  See also Decks - Posh ‘n Becks]
ShabbyWestminster AbbeyHe's turned out a bit westminster today [Thanks to Sparky James]
ShagBilly BraggHe's off for a billy [Billy Bragg is a singer/songwriter.  Thanks to Robert Christian]
Shank (golf term)J. R.You really JR'd that one mate.  [Abbreviated reference to J. Arthur Rank.  In golf, a shank is a ball that goes in a decidedly unexpected direction.  Thanks to Bern Summers]
ShaveChas and DaveI'm off for a chas [Thanks to Conor Keeling]
ShaveDig in the GraveA quick shower and dig and I'll be ready to go.
Shiner (black eye)Ocean LinerI punched him right in the mincer and gave him an ocean liner [Thanks to a somewhat violent Claire Reed]
ShirtDicky DirtPut your dicky dirt on before the company gets here.
ShirtUncle BertI've got to press my uncle.
ShitBrace and BitJust off or a brace [Thanks to P Loynd]
ShitBrad PittI right need a Brad Pitt [Thanks to Big Bill]
ShitEartha KittI'm going for an Eartha [See also 'Tit' - Thanks to Peter Cotterell for this variation]
ShitTom TitI'm going for a Tom Tit. [Thanks to David Carruthers.]
ShiteTom KiteI’m off for a tom [Thanks to Denis Daly]
ShiteTurkish DelightThey’re playing completely Turkish today [Thanks to Paul Island]
Shite (shit)Barry WhiteI need a Barry White [Thanks to Oli Hickman]
Shits (diarrhoea)Two-Bob BitsI’ve got a real case of the two-bob bits [Thanks to Steven Elder]
Shitter (rectum)Council GritterWhen I sat down there was a pin on my chair! Right up the council! [Thanks to Uncle Custard. He reports that a council gritter is the machine that comes around and puts grit on icy roads]
Shitter (rectum)Gary GlitterHe kicked him right up the Gary [Thanks to Neil Churchard]
Shitter (toilet or rectum)Rick WhitterBack in a sec - I'm off to the rick [Rick Whitter is a singer in the group Shed7 - thanks to Dan Collins and Keith Uden]
ShockerBarry CrockerThat's a Barry Crocker [Barry Crocker is an Aussie performer - thanks to Dan McGivern]
ShockerCostantino RoccaPlayed a round of golf yesterday - had a complete Costantino [Costantino Rocca is an Italian golfer - thanks to Christian Martinsen]
ShoeScooby DooWhere are me Scooby's? [Thanks to Mark Chinery & Michael Lloyd]
ShoeGhost (Boo)Get yer ghosts on [Thanks to Richard Lee]
ShoesOne and two'sWhere's me one 'n two's? [Thanks to John Ioannou]
ShoesSt. Louis Blues'e's got himself a new pair of St. Louis' [Thanks to Doug Sammons]
ShoesRhythm and BluesGet your rhythm and blues on [Thanks to Jack Summers and Neil Devlin]
ShoesYabba-Dabba-DooNice pair of yabba’s mate [For them what don’t have a classical education, “Yabba-Dabba-Doo” was the catch phrase of Fred Flintstone.  Thanks to Jon Evans]
Shout (round)Wally GroutIt's your wally, mate (ie. It's your turn to buy a round of drinks). [Wally Grout was an Australian cricketer who died in 1968 - Thanks to Mark Redding]
ShowerDavid GowerI'd just got out of the David Gower [Thanks to Mark Crowe - David Gower is an English cricketer]
ShowerEiffel TowerI’m going for an Eiffel Tower.
SickMoby DickI'm feeling a bit Moby today. [Thanks to Elaine MacGregor]
SickSpotted DickWe don’t have a goalie – John’s spotted [Spotted Dick is a dessert make with raisins – thanks to Andrew Black]
SickTom and DickHe's feeling a bit Tom. [There is also an expression "Feeling a bit dicky" as in not quite right that comes from this slang.  Paul Morgan says that it’s also used as “Bob and Dick”]
SickUncle DickI can't come out tonight - I'm feeling a bit Uncle Dick [Thanks to Chris Keeley]
SightWebsiteGet out of me website [Thanks to Antony Kennedy who says this was taken from the Human Traffic film]
SillyDaffy Down Dilly'e's a bit daffy. [Daffy Down Dilly is a line of dolls from Madam Alexander. Thanks to Peter Bendall]
SillyPiccadillyI've always said he was piccadilly [Thanks to Martin McKerrell]
SimpleDolly DimpleShe’s a bit Dolly Dimple [Thanks to Simon Mahon]
SisterSkin and BlisterShe may be his blister but she's nothing like him.
SixTim MixHe rolled a Tom Mix [Thanks to Jude Saffron who says this expression is common in casino's when referring to dice games]
Skin (cigarette paper)Vera LynnGot any vera's? [Thanks to Paul Cheese]
Skint (broke)Borassic LintHe's right boric. [Thanks to Peter Langdale who's a chemist in the UK for correcting this one]
Skint (broke)Larry FlintI'm completely larry mate [Larry Flint is an American publisher of adult magazines.  Thanks to Rob Haynes]
Skint (broke)Polo MintI'm polo'd [Thanks to Kieran Cooney]
Slag (prostitute)Oily RagShe's a bit of an oily rag [Oily Rag is also slang for fag (cigarette).  One can't help but wonder how many times a simply "Can you spot me an oily?" might have been misinterpreted.  Thanks to Matthew Wilson]
Slag (prostitute)Toe Rag / Tow RagShe’s a right toe rag [Thanks to Chris Roberts.  Mike Lyons adds: It should be 'Tow Rag'.  When a car towed another in times past, (broken down car) behind it, it was/is common practice to tie a piece of rag halfway along the rope between the two vehicles. This was to indicate the rope's presence to pedestriams, particularly when stopped in traffic. (i.e. to stop people tripping over it when walking between the cars).  As this piece of rag was literally dragging or 'always in' the dirt all the time, it was compared with someone who was shifty, untrustworthy, criminal, loafer, a general 'low life'.  Such a person was called a tow rag, example "don't trust him, he's a bit of a tow rag".]  Thus, a tow rag could refer to a male or female of dubious character.
SlapWatford GapI’m gonna give you a Watford ‘round yer chevy [Thanks to Glenn Buss]
Slash (piss)Pat CashI'm absolutely dying for a Pat Cash [Thanks to Bryan Rowe]
Slash (piss)Pie and MashI’m poppin’ out for a pie and mash [Thanks to Paul Ingram]
SleepBo-PeepWhat I need is a good bo-peep. [Thanks to Bernie Albert]
SleepSooty and SweepYou need a bit of sooty [Thanks to John Gowland]
SmellAunt NellHe don't half Aunt Nell [Thanks to Jo Miller]
Smoke (cigarette)Laugh and JokeI’m going for a laugh [Thanks to Winston Gutkowski]
SneezeBread and CheeseI hate allergies - one good bread after another.
SnideJeckyll and Hyde‘e’s a bit Jeckyll [Thanks to Simon Mahon]
Snout (cigarette)Salmon and Trout'Ere mate, give us a salmon, I'm right out. [Thanks to Peter Cotterell] [If you know where the expression 'snout' for cigarette comes from I'd like to include it][ [Martin McKerrell has written that Snout comes from snout rag meaning handkerchief (I'm thinking snot rag - JA) so Snout Rag = Fag = cigarrette. Also, Richard Beveridge has suggested that the term snout comes from prison life when the prisoners, who would take their daily exercise in silence, would signal a tobacco supplier that he needed cigarettes by touching his nose.] - See "ins and outs"
Snouts (Cigarettes)Ins and Outs'ere mate, got any ins and outs? [Thanks to James Hotston] (See Salmon and Trout)
SoapCape of Good HopeGo wash yourself - and use the cape.
SoapFaith and HopeWhere's the faith and hope, I wanna wash me 'ands [Thanks to Mike Smith]
SocksAlmond RocksWouldn't it be nice if your almonds matched?
SocksBombay DocksAnyone seen me bombays? [Thanks to Julie Lanham-Hathaway.  Phil Diaper suggests the expression is actually Tilbury Docks]
SocksJoe RocksPull yer Joe's up [Thanks to Jim Hyde]
SonCurrant BunHe's awfully proud of his currant.
SongDing DongEveryone gather round the piano for a ding dong. [Usually the full slang expression is used]
SoupLoop de LoopNothing like a good loop on a cold day.
Spanner (wrench)Elsie TannerCan I borrow your elsie [Thanks to Alan Little]
SparrowBow and ArrowLittle bow and arrow fell out of the nest. [Usually the full slang expression is used]
SpeakBubble and SqueakI won't bubble [Thanks to Justyn Olby who credits John Le Carre's book "Night Manager"]
Specs (spectacles)Gregory PeckWhere’s me gregs [Thanks to Marcia Woodman]
Specs [Spectacles)Mikkel BecksWhere did I put me Mikkel's? [Thanks to Mark Crowe - Mikkel Beck is a footballer]
SplinterAlan MinterPicked up this wood and got a terrible Alan in me finger [Thanks to Barry Greenaway. Alan Minter is a British boxer with a current record of 39-9 (23 by KO)]
SpoonDaniel BoonePass me a daniel [Thanks to Andy Powell]
SpoonDavid BoonPass me that David Boon [Thanks to Mark Crowe - David Boon is an Australian cricketer]
Spot (acne)Randolph ScottI've got a great big randolph on my chin [Thanks to Matt Stammers]
SpouseBoiler HouseMe boiler's always yammerin' on. [Thanks to John Butt]
SproutsTwist and ShoutsI love bubble and squeak made with Twist and Shouts [Thanks to Mike Leith]
Spunk (semen)Harry MonkThis glue's as sticky as a load of Harry [Harry Monk was an old music hall entertainer. Thanks to Jon Bard]
Spunk (semen)Pineapple ChunkIs that laundry powder on your jeans?  Looks like pineapple chunks to me [Thanks to Tom Dowling]
StairsApples and PearsGet yourself up the apples and pears.
StairsDaisy DancersGet yerself up the daisy dancers [This one's a bit convoluted: Daisy Dancer = Dancing Bears = Stairs. The daisy dancer reference is a twist on the Dancing Bears=Stairs slang. Thanks to Mike Tombs]
StairsDancing BearsGet yerself up the dancing bears [Thanks to Mike Tombs]
StarvedPear Halved"Lunch in a bit?" "Yeah, I'm a bit pear." [Thanks to Richard English]
Starvin'Hank MarvinI'm bloody Hank Marvin. I haven't eaten all day [Hank Marvin was the guitarist for The Shadows from the 1960's to the 1990's. Thanks to Neil Churchard]
Starvin'Lee MarvinI'm Lee Marvin [Thanks to Peter Conway who wrote all the way from Dubai - he adds that if you're really hungry you could say, "I'm Hank, and his brother Lee". Lee Marvin was an American actor. See other entry for starvin' (Hank Marvin). And no - they're not related.]
State (anguish)Two and EightHe's in a two and eight over it. [Usually the full slang expression is used]
Steak and KidneyKate and SydneyA lovely Kate and Sydney pie [Not really rhyming slang - more a matter of getting your mords wixed up]
Stella (beer)Nelson MandelasA couple of nelsons please [Thanks to Alan Little. Stella refers to Stella Artois]
Stella (beer)Paul WellerGive us a Paul Weller [Thanks to Gary Williams - Paul Weller is (or was) a musician with The Jam. Stella refers to Stella Artois]
Stella (beer)Uri GellerMines a Uri [Thanks to Martin Harrison]
Stella Artois (beer)Ooh AahI’ll have an ooh aah [Thanks to Steve Kensington]
StenchDame Judy DenchA right Dame Judy in here [Thanks to Dean Cavanagh]
Stick (walking)Hackney WickI've forgot me hackney wick back at the last pub [Thanks to Alan Rawling]
StinkPen and InkThat's a bit of a pen and ink.
StoryJackanoryYe late! What’s the jackanory then? [Thanks to Podster]
Stout (beer)Salmon and TroutStop by and have a salmon.
StrangerQueen’s Park RangerWho’s that Queen’s Park Ranger standing over there? [Thanks to Danny Robinson]
StrangerTexas RangerThis pub is full of Texas Rangers these days [Thanks to Danny Robinson]
StrayGamma RayThat Mary's a bit of a gamma [Thanks to Dan Collins and Keith Uden]
StreetField of WheatHe out standing in the field, waiting for a bus.
Strides (trousers)Donkey RidesHe's wearing black donkeys [Thanks to Keith Cole]
Strides [trousers)Jekyll and HydesJust bought a new pair of Jekylls
StripperJack the RipperI love me jack the rippers [Thanks to John Ioannou]
StrongPing PongI need a ping pong drink [Thanks to Chris Keeley]
Sub (pay advance)Rub a DubGuvnor Give us a rub a dub till pay day. [Thanks to Ray Davis]
SubaruScooby-DooLet's have a go in ya scooby-doo [Thanks to J. Mulroy]
SuitBag of FruitHe turned up dressed in a bag [Thanks to Bill Smith who quite rightly points out that while Whistle and Flute can refer to a nice looking suit, Bag of Fruit depicts a very different image of an old and shapeless suit]
SuitBowl of FruitAre you wearing your bowl of fruit tonight? [Thanks to Brad Spencer]
SuitTin FluteI’ll be wearing me tin flute [Thanks to Duncan Whitesmith]
SuitWhistle and FluteHe bought himself a new whistle for the wedding.
SunCurrent BunOld current bun's out today [Thanks to Ray Davis.]
SupperTommy TuckerYou can sing for your Tommy.
SweetheartTreacle TartShe's a right treacle [Thanks to Kate Odgers - note that there is reportedly a negative connotation for this expression, meaning a woman of easy virtues, but it's not very commonly used]
TableCain and AbelSit yourself at the cain and I'll bring you your Tommy (Tommy Tucker - supper).
Tablet (pill)Gary AblettHe was off his nuts on the old Gary Abletts wasn't he [Gary Ablett was a footballer in the 80's - thanks to Majik Khan]
TailAlderman's NailHe's always wagging his alderman's.
TalkRabbit and PorkHe's always rabbitting on about something [Andrew Black says his sister used to say he had “too much bunny” (or more rabbit than Sainsbury’s!).  You can be sure that wasn’t a compliment]
TalkerMurray WalkerShe’s a real murray – just can’t get her to shut up! [Thanks to Tony Kibble]
TanPeter PanI’m off to the pool to top up me peter pan. [Thanks to Lee Henderson]
Tanner (sixpence)Sprarsy AnnaLend us a sprarsy - I wanna get some toe-rags (cigarettes) [Thanks to Mike Smith - he wonders if Sprarsy might have something to do with the old Indian coin called an "anna". If you have any more info please let me know]
TartKick StartIs this a lads night or are we taking the kicks [Thanks to Tony Merrington]
TaxiJoe BaxiMind if I share your Joe Baxi? [Thanks to Mike Doles. William Coward says Joe Baxi was a heavyweight boxer who knocked out British champ George Woodcock around 1950.]
TeaHalf Past ThreeWhere’s me bleeding cuppa arf past? [Thanks to Simon Buckridge]
TeaRosy LeeI've just put the rosy on.
TeaYou and MeFancy a cup of you and me? [Thanks to Barry Greenaway]
TearsBritney SpearsShe's off doing a Britney [Thanks to Jade]
TeethEdward HeathHe got smacked in the Edwards [Thanks to John Curtis-Rouse.  Edward Heath was PM in the early 1970’s]
TeethHampstead HeathHis hampsteads (hamps) are a crime.
Telly (TV)Custard and JellyAs usual, nothing on the custard tonight.
Telly (TV)Liza MinelliWhat’s on the Liza? [Thanks to Yorgos Elissaios]
TenCock and HenI didn't get much change back from a cock [Thanks to Peter Cotterell]
Tenner (£10)Paul McKennaI’m don to me last Paul McKenna [Thanks to Richard Hall.  Paul McKenna is a famous hypnotist]
Tenner (10 pound note)Ayrton Senna'ere, lend us an ayrton me old china [Ayrton Senna was a Formula One driver - thanks to Tom Harvey]
Tenner (10 pound note)Louise Wener'ere, lend us a louise. [Louise Wener is a singer with the band Sleeper - thanks to Richard English]
ThiefTea LeafHe's always been a bit of a tea leaf. [Usually the fully slang expression is used]
ThinkCocoa DrinkI should cocoa [Said in a somewhat facetious manner, this phrase actually means "I should think not" - thanks to Kathryn Polley]
ThirstGeoff HurstI've got a Geoff on tonight [Sir Geoff Hurst was the only footballer to score three goals in a World Cup final. Thanks to Graham Todd]
ThroatBilly GoatI've got a sore billy goat [Thanks to Paul Robinson]
ThroatJohn O’Groat‘e cleared his groat whilst wiping his mincers with ‘is germans [Thanks to Mike Basquill]
ThroatNanny GoatGet that down your nanny [Thanks to Chris Roberts]
ThroatWeasel & Stoat'is weasel's playing him up [Thanks to Roy Sharp.  See also Coat]
ThunderCrash & BlunderWhat a storm!  Did you hear the crash and blunder [Thanks to David Reynolds]
TicketBat and WicketI've got a bat for tonight's train.
TicketWilson PicketI want to go to New York, but I can’t afford the wilsons [Thanks to Tony Merrington]
TiePeckham RyeI'm putting on me best whistle and me new peckham. [Thanks to Martin McKerrell]
Till (Cash register)Jack & Jill'E got nicked with 'is 'ands in the old jack and jill [Thanks to Martyn Tracy]
TimeBird LimeWhat's the bird?  [Also commonly used to refer to doing time, as in prison.  Thanks to John Gowland]
TimeHarry LimeWhat's the Harry Lime? [Thanks to Barry Greenaway. Harry Lime is a character in 'The Third Man']
TimeLemon & LimeOi mate - what's the lemon & lime [Thanks to Anonymous]
Tit (breast)Brad PittNice pair of brads [Thanks to Justyn Olby]
Tits (breasts)Ballroom BlitzShe’s got marvellous ballrooms [Ballroom Blitz is a song by a group named Sweet - thanks to David Rolph]
Tits (breasts)Brace and BitsBlimey - what a brace!
Tits (breasts)Eartha KittsNice Eartha's [Thanks to Louis and Natalie Brink]
Tits (breasts)Fainting FitsWouldn’t mind getting me germans on her faintings [Thanks to Phil Woodford]
Tits (breasts)Thr'penny BitLook at the Thr'penny's on her. [Thank to David Carruthers]
Titties (breasts)Bristol CitiesShe's got a lovely pair of Bristols.  [BristolPirate2003 (I'm assuming a nom de plume) sent the following:  The saying goes back hundreds of years from when sailors sailed to the "New World", between Bristol, England (the second largest port outside of London at the time) and the USA, traveling on to the tobacco plantations at Bristol, Virginia.
It was known as, "Going between the Bristol's" and became a sexual reference for what sailors would do to their women folk on returning to dry land!.
Titty (breast)Walter MittyShe's got a lovely set of walters [Thanks to Dean Cavanagh]
ToastHoly GhostHow about another round of 'oly. [Thanks to Jack Summers]
ToeBromley by BowYou might want to fight, but I'm going to have it on me bromleys [ie. run away.  Thanks to David Aqius]
TokerAl RokerThat guy is an Al [Thanks to Andrew Backs]
TonicSupersonicHow about a nice Vera and super (Gin & Tonic) [Thanks to Vaughan Hully]
TossKate MossI couldn't give a Kate Moss. [Thanks to Alex Marsh]
TowelBaden Powell'ere, wrap a baden powell around you.  Nobody wants to see that! [Thanks to Lord Russell Grineau]
TrainMichael CaineI missed me Michael [Thanks to Mike Hale]
Trainers (running shoes)Claire RaynersI've got me new Claire Rayners on [Thanks to John Tsang - Claire Rayner is an author]
Trainers (running shoes)Gloria GaynorsThat's a nice pair of Gloria's [Thanks to John Ioannou]
Tramp (hobo)Paraffin LampI gave me last apple to that old paraffin [Thanks to Kevin Moynihan]
Tramp (hobo)Thirteen AmpLook at that bunch of thirteen amps over there. [Thanks to Steve Vincent - thirteen amps is the standard electrical receptacle in Britain]
TroubleBarney Rubble (Flintstones)Stay away from him. He's right Barney.
TrousersLards‘e was caught with ‘is lards down [Lards is from Callards & Bowsers, makers of fine toffee’s.  Thanks to Duncan Reed.  Lenny has noted that often the full expression, i.e. "'e was caught with his callards down" is used to avoid confusion with lardy meaning cigar (la-di-da).]
TrousersRound the Houses'e's got hisself a new set of round the houses [Thanks to Christopher Webb.  Also used is "Council Houses" as in "'is councils haven't seen an pressing this year" - thanks to Gary Chatfield]
Turd (shit)Douglas HurdI need to dump a Douglas [Thanks to Mathew Dalton.  Douglas Hurd is a politician.]
Turd (shit)Richard the ThirdHe's a bit of a Richard. [Thanks to Ray Davis. Elaine MacGregor reports that this is also used as in "I'm just going for a Richard".  Andrew notes that sometimes Edward the Third is also used.]
UmbrellaAuntie EllaWonderful - it's starting to rain and me without my Auntie Ella.
VoiceHobson's ChoiceWhat's the matter with 'is 'obsons [Thanks to Roy Sharp]
VomitWallace and GromitOne more pint and I’ll Wallace, mate [Thanks to Mark Holmans]
WagesGreengagesI've blown the greengages down at the dogs [Thanks to Mike Smith]
WalkBall of ChalkAfter a heavy meal I like quick ball round the square.
Wank (masturbate)Armitage ShankHe's havin' an armitage [Thanks to Ben Dear - Armitage Shank are makers of fine porcelain bathroom fixtures]
Wank (masturbate)Jodrell BankJust off for a Jodrell [Jodrell Bank was the site of a University of Manchester botanical station, about 20 miles south of Manchester, back in the 1940's. Today, Jodrell Bank is a leading radio astronomy facility. Thanks to P Loynd]
Wank (masturbate)Barclays BankHe's having a barclays. [Thanks to Peter Cotterell]
Wank (masturbate)J. Arthur Rank'e's off having a J. Arthur [Thanks to Mike Dowding and Sparky James]
Wank (masturbate)Lamb Shank'e's having a lamb [Thanks to Alan Heard]
Wank (masturbate)Midland BankI'm going for a midland [Thanks to Jonathan Harris]
Wank (masturbate)Peddle and CrankI'm off for a peddle! [Thanks to Aziz McMahon]
Wank (masturbate)Sherman Tanke's a right sherman [Thanks to David Hughes]
Wank (masturbate)Tommy TankShe's probably at home doing a tommy. [Thanks to Barbara Wilson – from Thomas the Tank Engine, a child's program]
WankerCab Ranker'e's a bit of a cab ranker [Thanks to Steve Tuffin]
WankerKuwaiti TankerHe’s a bit of a Kuwaiti tanker [Thanks to Daryl Egerton]
WankerMerchant BankerHe's a right merchant [Thanks to Justyn Olby]
WankerRavi ShankarThat referee is a right Ravi [Thanks to Justin Ellis]
WankerSefton BrankerHe’s a right Sefton Branker [Thanks to Paul Lundy – Sefton Branker was a Major, and later Air Vice Marshall, who was posted to India in the early 20th century]
WankerSwiss BankerHe’s a bit of a swiss banker [Thanks to Morris Childers]
WanksGordon BanksThey’re a bunch of gordons [Thanks to Paul Island]
Watch (fob watch)Kettle and HobThat's a lovely kettle [Thanks to Mark Sparrow. I got the following from Dudley who wondered about the connection between a kettle and a watch - he passed on the following story:

It was commonplace for everyone to wear a pocket watch and chain in the waistcoat & it was also equally commonplace for the watch to be in the pawn shop as an interim loan security - however no one was keen for people to know that this situation was necessary, so the chain would be kept and worn as normal. In the kitchens of the day the fire would be an open one and there would be a bar or hook above it from which a length of chain would be secured and from there the kettle would be suspended above the fire to boil. So with this in mind, if the pocket watch chain, with no weight on it to hold it in the pocket, fell out and dangled minus the missing watch, there would always be some clever Charlie ready to pipe up "What's that for then, your bleedin' kettle?"

Dave Walker provided the following:  The origin of "kettle" comes from illicit spirit making, distilled in what were large coppers known as kettles, hence, kettle of scotch = watch. I have always understood this to be the true origin, and it does rhyme, after all.
WaterTen Furlongs (Mile and a quarter)I'll have a gold watch and ten [Thanks to Del Sinnott]
Web SiteWind and KiteCheck out me wind and kite [Thanks to Mark Holmans]
WeightPieces of EightShe'd better watch her pieces of eight [Thanks to Dave Connolly]
WhiskyGay and FriskyI'll have a gay and I'm off. [Be careful where you use this]
White WinePlink PlonkOpen a bottle of plonk [The rhyme here is a bit convoluted – Plink Plonk rhymes with Vin Blanc which is, of course, a white wine.  Thanks to Claire Reed]
WhoreFour by FourShe’s a bit of a four by four [Thanks to Dave Collard]
WhoreRoger MooreI was trying to get my trousers back on, and the dirty roger is running up the street with my wallet [Thanks to Mark Adams]
WhoreThomas MooreShe a right Thomas [Thanks to Pete Masters]
WifeDuchess of FifeNow my old dutch, where are we off to tonight?
WifeTrouble and StrifeI'm taking my trouble dancing tonight.
WigIrish JigI think that blokes wearing an Irish [Thanks to Martin Elliot]
WigSyrup of FigsWhat a syrup. [Thanks to Mark Pearson]
WindowBurnt CinderClose the bloody burnt [This works if you mispronounce window... winda - and cinder... cinda as any good Englishman would. Thanks to Sparky James]
Windshield WiperBillie PiperYou’d better put your billies on [Billie Piper is a pop singer - Thanks to Deane]
WindyMork and MindyCor, it's bloody mork today [shows you that the slang is constantly evolving - thanks to Alan Little.  Can also refer to someone who is a bit windy - "Don't feed him brussel sprouts again - he gets all Mork & Mindy" - thanks to Sparky James]
WinePorcupineWhere’s the porc waiter [Thanks to Tony Merrington]
WordDicky BirdHe left without so much as a dicky.
WrongFalun GongIt seems to have all gone a bit falun gong [From semi-obscure evil Chinese cult with tendency to inaccuracy, therefore appropriate.  Thanks to Keith Hale]
WrongPete TongIt's all gone a bit Pete [Pete Tong is an English DJ - thanks to Dan Collins and Keith Uden]
YankSeptic TankHe's not very bright... septic, you know. [Thanks to Peter Langdale for this one.  Tony Alderton reports that this can also be shorted to Sepo]
YankWooden PlankThen this wooden bloke walked in [Thanks to Ian Coppell]
YawnJohnny VaughnCan’t hold back a good Johnny [Johnny Vaughn was the star of The Big Breakfast – thanks to Will Sowden]
YearsDonkey's EarsAin't seen you in donkeys mate. [Thanks to Ossie Mair]
YidFront Wheel SkidOld Mikey's a front wheel [Thanks to Jan.  Note that this expression is considered offensive]